Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
