It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can Purell be used as lube?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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