Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
