respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
