So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
