Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
