I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
