Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
