VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
