Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
