I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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