brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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