yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
