Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
