spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
