"it" just moved
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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