I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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