My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
