my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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