totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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