We won't sleep together?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
