ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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