Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
