theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize