My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize