He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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