I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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