He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
