Screwed.edu
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
