So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
