Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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