I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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