CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
