the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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