Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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