it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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