He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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