Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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