im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
