I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
