I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
