She just used a chaser for red wine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
