please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
