Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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