i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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