i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
