Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize