3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize