I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
