he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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