She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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