508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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