he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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