i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
