I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
