I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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