It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
