her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
