And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
