well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
lol hangovers are for mortals.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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