To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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