My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
one might say we're banned from that church
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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