the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
