I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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