Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
