When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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