why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
