you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
