My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
