What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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