You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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